On Her Own Feet

Who you need: CDFA, mediator, attorney or coach

Updated September 2026. Every cost figure links to the page it came from. How we make our numbers.

Two women talking over coffee at a home table.

Key numbers

  • Family law attorneys averaged $343 an hour in 2025 (commonly reported range, source: DivorcePlus). An older reader survey put the average at $270 an hour (Martindale-Nolo, 2019).
  • Average total attorney fees per spouse: about $11,300. The median was about $7,000, so half of people paid less than that (Martindale-Nolo, 2019).
  • Full mediation commonly runs $3,000 to $8,000 in total, shared between two people. A litigated divorce commonly runs $15,000 to $30,000 per spouse (DivorcePlus).
  • A CDFA is a financial specialist, not a lawyer. Commonly reported rates run roughly $120 to $500 an hour depending on the market (Experian, West Coast Family Mediation).

Most women start by asking "do I need a lawyer?" That is the wrong first question, because a lawyer is only one of four jobs on the table, and it is the most expensive one. The four roles below do genuinely different work. Hiring the wrong one first is how people spend $5,000 finding out what a two-hour meeting would have told them.

We do not sell introductions on this page and we do not name anyone. What follows is what each role does, what it commonly costs, and the situation where each one is the right first call.

The four roles side by side

Costs are commonly reported ranges from the sources linked in this page, not quotes. Rates vary a lot by state and by city.
Who What they actually do Commonly reported cost Right first call when
Divorce attorney Represents one spouse. Files papers, advises on your legal position, negotiates, and goes to court if the case does not settle. About $343 an hour in 2025. Average total fees about $11,300 per spouse, median about $7,000. A litigated case commonly runs $15,000 to $30,000 per spouse. There is any safety concern, any hidden or complex money, a business, or a spouse who will not disclose. Also when a court deadline is already running.
Mediator A neutral. Runs the conversation so the two of you reach your own agreement. Does not take sides, does not decide the outcome, and does not give legal advice. About $3,000 to $8,000 total for a full mediation, shared. You both want an agreement, you can be in the same room or on the same call, and neither of you is hiding anything.
CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) Models the money. Runs settlement scenarios, shows the after-tax value of each option, prices out the house, and flags what a 401(k) or pension split really does to your retirement. Roughly $120 to $500 an hour depending on the market. Many offer a free first consultation. Retirement accounts or a pension are the biggest asset, the marriage was long, or you were not the one handling the money.
Divorce coach Keeps you organized and steady. Helps you prepare for meetings, gather documents, and make decisions. Not a therapist and not a lawyer. About $100 to $250 an hour, more for specialists. Most clients spend $1,000 to $3,000 in total. You are paying a lawyer to listen, you keep missing paperwork, or you freeze in negotiations.

The attorney: the only one who can advise you on the law

An attorney represents you and only you. That is the whole point of the role, and nothing on this site replaces it. It is also why the bill is the biggest one. A 2019 survey of people who had recently divorced put average total attorney fees at about $11,300 per spouse, with a median of about $7,000 (Martindale-Nolo). The gap between the average and the median matters: a minority of very expensive cases pulls the average up, so the typical case costs less than the number you usually see quoted.

Hourly rates have moved. The same 2019 survey found an average of $270 an hour. A 2025 figure puts family law attorneys at about $343 an hour (DivorcePlus). Time is the real driver: a divorce with no contested issues finished in just under 8 months on average, one contested issue pushed it to about 12 months, and going to trial pushed it to about 18 months (Martindale-Nolo data, via DivorcePlus). Every extra month is billed.

Call an attorney first if there is a safety issue, if your spouse controls information you cannot see, if a business or professional practice is in the mix, or if papers have already been served on you.

The mediator: cheaper, but only if you both want to settle

A mediator is a neutral third person. In the words of the federal courts, the mediator "will not take sides, render decisions, or offer legal advice" (US Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit). They help two people reach their own agreement, which is then written up and filed.

Full mediation commonly runs $3,000 to $8,000 in total, and that total is usually split between the two of you, against $15,000 to $30,000 per spouse for a litigated case (DivorcePlus). That is the single biggest cost lever in a divorce.

The catch is that mediation only works when both people are willing to put every account on the table. A mediator will not investigate for you. If you suspect an account you have never seen, mediation is the wrong room. Many women also bring a mediated deal to their own attorney for a review before signing, which costs a fraction of full representation.

The CDFA: the one almost nobody has heard of

A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst is a financial professional who has passed a divorce-specific certification from the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts. They do the work neither the lawyer nor the mediator is set up to do: running two or three proposed settlements side by side and showing what each one is actually worth after tax, five and fifteen years out.

This matters most when the retirement accounts are the biggest asset, which is the normal situation for couples over 50. "I keep the house, he keeps the 401(k)" is the classic deal that looks even and is not, because retirement dollars are taxed on the way out and houses cost money to hold and to sell. Commonly reported CDFA rates run roughly $120 to $500 an hour depending on the market and the complexity (Experian, West Coast Family Mediation, San Diego Family Mediation). A first consultation is often free.

A CDFA does not give legal advice and cannot file anything for you. Read what a CDFA is and how to vet one before you book, including the questions to ask and how to check a certification.

The divorce coach: the cheapest hour in the room

A divorce coach is not a therapist and not a lawyer. The job is practical: get your documents in order, prepare you for the next meeting, help you decide what you actually want, and stop you paying attorney rates for conversations that do not need a lawyer. Commonly reported rates are $100 to $250 an hour, higher for specialists, and most clients spend $1,000 to $3,000 in total across the whole divorce (DivorcePlus, 2026).

There is no single licensing body for divorce coaches, so credentials vary widely. Ask what the person did before coaching, and ask for the scope in writing.

So who do you call first?

Before you pay anyone, get your own numbers

Every professional above works faster, and bills less, when you arrive with figures instead of questions. Our calculators are free, need no signup, and keep nothing you type on our servers:

If you want to see how ours compare with the other free tools out there, we wrote that comparison honestly: the best free divorce money calculators, compared.

Keep reading

Sources: Martindale-Nolo Research 2019 divorce survey, via DivorceNet · DivorcePlus, Divorce Statistics 2026 · DivorcePlus, How Long Does a Divorce Take · DivorcePlus, Divorce Coach Cost 2026 · Experian, What Is a Divorce Financial Analyst · West Coast Family Mediation · San Diego Family Mediation · US Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit, Understanding the Mediation Process · Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts · Worthy and ADFP survey, 2019. All fetched and checked September 2026. Costs are commonly reported ranges, not quotes, and we do not recommend or refer specific professionals.